On my 39th birthday, I had an epiphany…

…I am more conscious than ever of life slipping by me.  And the fact that this is it, and it’s more than half done now.  I need to spend the time now doing what I want to do.  This life will pass.  Everything will pass and the time spent in unhappiness waiting for other people to help; no, they needn’t change and they needn’t help.  If I will be happy, I will have set my own agenda. 

So here I am.

I feel hope as I enter into my fortieth year.  I have a confidence I lacked; I’ve found some strength in myself not to live the life that isn’t me. …  I will seek the happiness myself, or live alone and find fulfilment and beauty in that life, but not hunger for the eternal tomorrow in someone else’s gift.  I will not live that lie anymore.  I swear to take responsibility for myself.  Something amazing has happened to me.  I have found the strength through choice or design to walk away from what has not nourished my soul, and walked away somehow from the impossible. 

I undertake to weep no more tears for the lost life in a career of misery.

I’m looking for myself, and I know I’ve been away.  I’m embracing change and sacrificing what was not meant for me.  I cannot be responsible anymore for the expectations of others.  If they judge me harshly for the choices I have had to make, so be it, for their judgement is worthless.  My soul has been dying and it is time for rebirth.

I have made bold choices and now I choose to walk away from misery.

The future will see my soul nourished and it begins now.


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